PDN Article: Oct 19, 2013
How our young people cope with stress and
traumatic life experiences must be a concern, especially to parents, but also
to all of us in this community. Many of our young people aren't coping well
with life and many do not have positive coping skills to even deal with the
normal growing-up challenges.
In addition to the growing-up challenges, many
unfortunately go through a range of traumatic experiences early in life -- from
being bullied at school or elsewhere, even bullied by family members to being
abused; from being separated or abandoned from either or both parents or
significant other, to losing a loved one.
Not knowing how to handle the strong and
conflicting emotions resulting from these events, the young person either
withdraws, isolates self, loses interest in normal activities, refuses to go to
school, experiences various other symptoms, such as depression or anxiety, and
engages in self-harm behaviors.
Self-harm behavior
What appears to be a growing trend and a
serious concern of self-harm behaviors that we are seeing with young people is
they are cutting themselves on their arms and other parts of their bodies.
Parents often learn about their child's
self-harm behavior after teachers or other adults bring it to their attention.
Some of the young people have been silently cutting themselves periodically
over a period of time as their way of dealing with their emotions and pain.
They are cutting because they do not feel good
about themselves, they are unhappy, they do not know how to deal with whatever
that they are going through in life. They are cutting because they are in pain
and "cutting eases their pain," as several young people have reported.
Other self-harm behaviors are having thoughts
of suicide and making attempts to end their lives by taking pills and other
harmful substances. Some are self-medicating their pain with alcohol and
substance misuse.
Fortunately, many of these suicide attempts
have failed, and it is at this point usually when parents actively seek help
for their child.
We all must be very concerned and be proactive
because the suicide rate on Guam is quite high among young people. We know that
there are those who do kill themselves, with little or no warning signs, or we
simply just missed it because they appeared OK, happy and never talked openly
about killing themselves.
Nowadays, as reported by parents and others,
it is known that young persons, as young as 6, are talking about "wanting
to die" or wanting "to commit suicide," and some have even
attempted self-harm behaviors because they are angry that they didn't get what
they wanted, or perhaps there are other underlying issues.
We must pay attention
As parents and caring adults, we need to pay
attention to our young people. Spend time to guide them, listen to them, get to
know what they are doing, how they are feeling, what's going on in their lives,
and observe their behaviors.
We need to intervene early on when they are
showing signs they need help. Are they wearing clothing to cover their cuts?
Are they refusing to go to school? Are they exhibiting unusual behaviors from
how they used to be? Unusual changes in personality can be warning signs -- "red
flags" -- that things aren't OK and must be taken seriously.
Minimizing a young person's emotions and
problems can send the message that his or her emotions and problems are invalid
or insignificant and, therefore, he or she isn't as important as other things
parents and adults are concerned about.
Raising children isn't an easy job, but a very
essential one, and children deserve nothing less than a nurturing and loving
care.
Invest in your children by teaching and
modeling proper coping skills, self-discipline and positive character early on
in your children's lives. Teach and model how to deal with anger, frustration
and pain. Teach and model proper social skills, such as how to communicate what
they want in a way in which they would get their request known, as well as to
learn to tolerate not always having their way or getting what they want.
Annie F.B. Unpingco,
LCSW, is administrator of I Famagu'on-ta at the Guam Behavioral Health and
Wellness Center.
