Critical for parents to invest in children - www.icareguam.org

PDN Article: Oct 19, 2013

How our young people cope with stress and traumatic life experiences must be a concern, especially to parents, but also to all of us in this community. Many of our young people aren't coping well with life and many do not have positive coping skills to even deal with the normal growing-up challenges.

In addition to the growing-up challenges, many unfortunately go through a range of traumatic experiences early in life -- from being bullied at school or elsewhere, even bullied by family members to being abused; from being separated or abandoned from either or both parents or significant other, to losing a loved one.

Not knowing how to handle the strong and conflicting emotions resulting from these events, the young person either withdraws, isolates self, loses interest in normal activities, refuses to go to school, experiences various other symptoms, such as depression or anxiety, and engages in self-harm behaviors.

Self-harm behavior

What appears to be a growing trend and a serious concern of self-harm behaviors that we are seeing with young people is they are cutting themselves on their arms and other parts of their bodies.

Parents often learn about their child's self-harm behavior after teachers or other adults bring it to their attention. Some of the young people have been silently cutting themselves periodically over a period of time as their way of dealing with their emotions and pain.

They are cutting because they do not feel good about themselves, they are unhappy, they do not know how to deal with whatever that they are going through in life. They are cutting because they are in pain and "cutting eases their pain," as several young people have reported.

Other self-harm behaviors are having thoughts of suicide and making attempts to end their lives by taking pills and other harmful substances. Some are self-medicating their pain with alcohol and substance misuse.

Fortunately, many of these suicide attempts have failed, and it is at this point usually when parents actively seek help for their child.

We all must be very concerned and be proactive because the suicide rate on Guam is quite high among young people. We know that there are those who do kill themselves, with little or no warning signs, or we simply just missed it because they appeared OK, happy and never talked openly about killing themselves.

Nowadays, as reported by parents and others, it is known that young persons, as young as 6, are talking about "wanting to die" or wanting "to commit suicide," and some have even attempted self-harm behaviors because they are angry that they didn't get what they wanted, or perhaps there are other underlying issues.

We must pay attention

As parents and caring adults, we need to pay attention to our young people. Spend time to guide them, listen to them, get to know what they are doing, how they are feeling, what's going on in their lives, and observe their behaviors.

We need to intervene early on when they are showing signs they need help. Are they wearing clothing to cover their cuts? Are they refusing to go to school? Are they exhibiting unusual behaviors from how they used to be? Unusual changes in personality can be warning signs -- "red flags" -- that things aren't OK and must be taken seriously.

Minimizing a young person's emotions and problems can send the message that his or her emotions and problems are invalid or insignificant and, therefore, he or she isn't as important as other things parents and adults are concerned about.

Raising children isn't an easy job, but a very essential one, and children deserve nothing less than a nurturing and loving care.

Invest in your children by teaching and modeling proper coping skills, self-discipline and positive character early on in your children's lives. Teach and model how to deal with anger, frustration and pain. Teach and model proper social skills, such as how to communicate what they want in a way in which they would get their request known, as well as to learn to tolerate not always having their way or getting what they want.

Annie F.B. Unpingco, LCSW, is administrator of I Famagu'on-ta at the Guam Behavioral Health and Wellness Center.

Trauma has strong impact on children - www.icareguam.org

PDN Article: Oct 11, 2013

We live in a time where our children and adolescents are exposed to various forms of traumatic life events. A traumatic event is one that threatens injury, death or the physical integrity of self or others, and also causes horror, terror or helplessness at the time it occurs.

Traumatic events include sexual abuse, physical abuse, domestic violence, community and school violence, medical trauma, motor vehicle accidents, acts of terrorism, natural and human-made disasters, war experiences, suicide and other traumatic losses.

There are two types of trauma -- physical and mental. Physical trauma includes the body's response to serious injury and threat. Mental trauma includes frightening thoughts and painful feelings. These are the mind's response to serious injury. Mental trauma can produce strong feelings. It can also produce extreme behavior, such as symptoms of intense fear or helplessness.

We all remember well several major acts of violence in our nation, such as the Oklahoma City bombing in the '90s, the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attack, the Columbine High School shooting in Colorado and, most recently, the Sandy Hook, Conn., shooting. These acts claimed many lives and they also threaten our sense of security.

Here at home, we have our own share of violence such as the recent tragic killings in Tumon. The incidences of home invasions, break-ins, burglary assaults and other acts of violence are reminders that we live in a precarious time, and we must be vigilant and caring of each other.

Beyond these events, children and adolescents face many other traumas. They are injured and abused intentionally by others, such as by bullies and sexual perpetrators. They also experience unintentional injuries, such as falls, accidents, dog bites, near-drownings, etc. They also see loved ones harmed by violence or they witness other tragic events.

Children and adolescents are very sensitive, they may hurt deeply, and they struggle to make sense of the trauma. They vary in the nature of their responses to traumatic experiences. Their reaction may be influenced by their developmental level, ethnic and cultural factors, previous trauma exposure, the resources and support available to them, as well as existing child and family problems.

Nearly all children and adolescents express some kind of distress or behavioral change in the acute phase of recovery from a traumatic event. These symptoms may include: separation anxiety, especially in young children; sleep disturbance, nightmares, sadness, the development of new fears, loss of interest in normal activities, reduced concentration, decline in schoolwork, anger, irritability and somatic complaints.

The young person's functioning in the family, peer group or school may be impaired as a result of such symptoms and it becomes very important that caretakers and professionals working with young people make a careful assessment of possible exposure to trauma.

Most young people manifest resilience in the aftermath of traumatic experiences. This is especially true of single-incident exposure. However, those who have been exposed to multiple traumas, have a past history of anxiety problems, or have experienced family adversity are likely to be at higher risk of showing symptoms of post-traumatic stress.

Parents and caring adults can help children and adolescents by assuring them that they are loved, that the event was not their fault, that it is okay for them to feel upset. Allow them to cry, be sad and talk about their feelings, write or draw pictures of their feelings. Do not expect them to be brave or tough. Don't force them to discuss the event before they are ready. Don't get upset if they show strong emotions or show regressive behaviors such as bed-wetting or acting out. Spend more positive time together, such as eating meals or playing games together. Try to keep normal routines or make new ones together. Lastly, help children feel in control and let them make some decisions for themselves when possible.

Annie F.B. Unpingco, LCSW, is administrator of I Famagu'on-ta at the Guam Behavioral Health and Wellness Center.

Faith is key to putting end to violence - www.icareguam.org

We live in a small community and we pride ourselves as a closely knit, safe, family-oriented and culturally respectful people. Yet, when you really think about it and examine how our community is doing, we have to admit that we are not quite the community we used to be, or want to be, for we have a big problem of violence and it is increasing.

We have different categories of violence, from interpersonal violence, such as family or domestic violence, to community violence, between individuals who are not related and who may or may not know each other that generally takes place outside the home. Interpersonal violence includes child abuse, intimate partner violence and abuse of the elderly. Community violence includes random acts of violence, rape, sexual assault and violence in institutional settings such as in school, the workplace, etc.

Our once upon a time, closely knit, fairly stable family and safe community is now gradually disintegrating, with increasing crime rates, parental separation rates and high rates of child maltreatment. Trauma caused by these social ills has a serious impact on our young people, and many suffer multiple traumas over the years.

Why is this so, and how can we stop the violence and family disintegration that cause so much pain and turmoil to our young people?

We know that violence and family disintegration cannot be attributed to single or simple factors. The causes are complex.

Faith, hope and trust

As I ponder on this, however, the word that keeps coming to mind is faith -- faith in God and faith in one self. Is violence and family disintegration due to lack of faith or is the lack of faith the contributing factor?

The word "faith" often is used as a synonym for hope, trust or belief.

Faith, hope, trust and belief are acquired through personal choices and experiences. Having faith in oneself is essential in decision making, for it guides the judgment of the individual. Having faith helps an individual be respectful to others, for he or she in return expects to be treated the way he or she treats others. Faith is what gives the person hope during desperate and trying times.

Without faith, an individual becomes distrustful, disrespectful, and loses his or her sense of value, belief and hope. Without faith, life becomes meaningless and empty, which leads to a search for something to fill the void. That something often comes in the form of alcohol and substance misuse, and engagement in high-risk and violent behaviors.

Life then becomes full of negativity, which also gets projected onto others, instigating a cycle of out-of-control violence.

Young people can learn to have faith from nurturing adults who treat them with reverence. Young people learn to have faith in themselves when they are not being abused and traumatized. By having faith in themselves, the young person has the ability to develop a positive character, self-confidence and self-trust. These are important characteristics that would help the person manage many of life's challenges without resorting to violence.

Annie F.B. Unpingco, LCSW, is administrator of I Famagu'on-ta at the Guam Behavioral Health and Wellness Center.